There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
