he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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