i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
