Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize