onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think your dad took our porno
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
