Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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