If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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