This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
