While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
