I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
