I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
