I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
