my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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