Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm really busy with my period
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