he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
