Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
