Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize