I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
