so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
