is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
