I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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