I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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