So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
