I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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