the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
