Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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