I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why is there bacon in the couch?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
