eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
