I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
