Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize