he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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