Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
