last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
