What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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