Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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