Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
