I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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