do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
