can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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