it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
