I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
