let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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