Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
