I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
