just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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