are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You ate ashes out of my bong
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
