I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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