I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
