Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
