what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
