im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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