I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
