party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
