you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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