I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
