The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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