Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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