ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
