She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
