I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just had sex bonerless
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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