My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
should my penis look like a turkey
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
