We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
